This Fourth of July, I had a memorable WTF moment with one of the rudest people I’ve ever met. What makes it noteworthy is that many consider his behavior normal. I tell the story in this interview with StandFor: Technology as an Escape Mechanism
…To put it in context with technology: the Like button came out in 2009, then Facebook’s first mobile app was released in 2010, but it was pretty awful. Smartphones outsold PCs for the first time in the last quarter of 2011. Facebook improved its app, and with every iteration, it became smoother and more addictive, fueling phubbing.
In the U.S., having and responding to work email on your phone at all hours became expected as smartphone use increased, encouraging the unhealthy always-on worker mentality. The pendulum swung further when Instagram hit a penetrative point, having 150 million MAUs by late 2013, three years after launch.
I’d say 2012-2013 is when phubbing became really noticeable.
These social apps are engineered to be highly addictive. It’s a business that profits off usage. I noticed people checking their phones not just for text messages (actual communication) but being addicted to refreshing their social feeds like slot machines (passive, receptive entertainment) because the apps for Facebook and Instagram became so addictive. Facebook became the internet for many people. These apps are designed to encourage addictive checking just like cigarettes and McDonald’s fries cause cravings. Smartphones with apps, messaging, and email provide what became a socially acceptable escape mechanism for the boring or awkward moments of daily life…
Phubbing = phone snubbing. It happens when we ignore the people around us because we’re paying attention to technology. Phubbing wrecks relationships. I’ve been concerned about this for years, as you know if you’ve listened to my podcast or read my blog or ever met me. I put my phone on airplane mode every night because it’s an important boundary for me – yes, I am unreachable for a few hours of precious serenity.
“Researchers James. A. Roberts and Meredith E. David identified eight types of phone snubbing behavior that have become common in today’s world. They are:
– During a typical mealtime that my partner and I spend together, my partner pulls out and checks his/her cellphone.
– My partner places his or her cellphone where they can see it when we are together.
– My partner keeps his or her cellphone in their hand when he or she is with me….”
Sound familiar? This stuff is disturbing.
Who’s really worse: fast food companies or tech companies?
It’s somewhat in vogue to believe companies like McDonald’s and Coca-Cola and R.J. Reynolds are the problem. They make us sick, fat or dead, they pollute our planet, and they’re purely profit-driven. Yet all the while, we lionize tech companies like Google,Facebook, and Apple. But these companies are responsible for literally rewiring our brains.
We’re willing participants as users of social networks that contribute to the breakdown of real human interaction, just like people in the drive-thru know what a Big Mac does to their body.
I suppose the parallel is that we didn’t always really know how bad fast food was for us until Supersize Me etc. came to light, until we legislated publishing calories on menus. And we won’t really acknowledge the negative impact of dopamine addiction to text message chimes and Facebook Likes for years, if at all. It’s more than a negative impact, it’s the unrecognized public (mental) health crisis of modern times.
StandFor Initiative contacted me and asked if I’d like to try out their anti-phubbing shoes. I’d never seen shoes with such a neat mission. Go check out their site. Frankly, this mission is way cooler and more important than TOM’S. I don’t care if that offends anyone. The Stop Phubbing mission is something we should all embrace before we break our ankles falling into a mall fountain.
I picked the LOVERS shoes – there are plenty of really neat designs with backstories and real life inspiration. Here’s the description from the designer for my chosen pair:
One of the members of our team said that there’s nothing like the real feel of his wife’s warm hand touching his. Everyone should probably feel like this. But when we go to restaurants, we are shocked by couples who hardly look at each other and would rather spend their meal time staring at their phones, phablets and tablets.
I’m happy to wear these #stopphubbingshoes and I hope they spark a conversation. They’re comfortable, well made, and pretty darn cool looking. If you’d like a pair, here’s a $30 off discount promo code (valid through July 30, 2017): Enter promo code RMEFt9MD at shop.standforinitiative.com and choose the shoes, ankle boots or boots you’d like.
Harry Joiner knows how to get a good job. Sandra Chesnutt knows how to keep a good job. Here’s a bit of what they taught me. If you understand and apply these tips, your career will benefit.
1. “The richest actors aren’t rich because they’re the best actors. They’re rich because they get the best parts.” -Harry Joiner
Harry Joiner is the real deal in recruiting, and that’s rare nowadays. He looks at a candidate from a holistic career perspective, not from a single job req, time to fill, recruiter comp point of view.
A) I took a lot of notes during helpful calls with Harry over the years, but this line always stuck with me. In order to be successful, you need a role in which you can succeed. There are many variables in whether or not you’re set up for success. When evaluating a job opportunity, ask yourself if it’s a good part. Look for a strong script, visionary but fair director, compelling story, solid supporting cast, and adequate budget – or whatever is important to you. What makes a good movie makes a good company. What makes a good part makes a good job. Consider how this role will help or hurt your next role.
B) The other piece here is obviously that a good agent helps actors get the best parts. A skilled recruiter is your career’s best friend. Try a few on for size. Ask for referrals from people in your field whom you respect or admire. Remember that most recruiters (especially on LinkedIn) are the equivalent of housewives calling themselves realtors. Everybody’s a recruiter just like everybody’s an entrepreneur.
If you’re in ecommerce, check out Harry’s job board: ecommerce jobs. Harry places serious talent, specializing in contingency based Manager, Director, VP, SVP, and CXO-level executive searches for transactional multichannel ecommerce.
2. “Write specific, personal compliments in thank-you notes.” -Sandra Chesnutt
Sandra is a friend and mentor, a savvy marketer and fantastic overall person who has been very helpful to me over the years. Sandra understands organizations, technology, and marketing on a fundamental level. She also has keen insight on managing professional relationships.
While any thank-you note is better than none, use the note as an opportunity to touch the recipient on a more meaningful level. It only takes one or two thoughtful sentences to make it memorable. Go a little deeper. Point out something specifically great about the person. Everyone loves to be recognized. A compliment is the simplest magic. Example:
Okay thank-you note:
Thank you so much for the helpful call. I appreciate your time and insight. I look forward to talking again soon.
Great thank-you note:
Thank you so much for the helpful call. I loved the mirroring/last 3 words concept and the What I want/why I want it/benefits to you approach.
I especially like how you always offer actionable tips from either your own life/experience or outside, quality resources. But the best part is that you summarize these tips so I get the CliffsNotes version quickly, you make it applicable to me, and you provide an example that illustrates how I can use the tip. Plus, you always remember the full name of the source so I can seek more information.
This advice is geared toward your early twenties but is applicable to any stage of life. Whether you’re a recent college grad or a bit older, these tips will save you and make you the most money, based on my experience and calculations as a woman in my latest of twenties.
Imbibing on a budget
They don’t teach these tips in school, but they should.
Set yourself up to be in a better place financially in ten years like so:
1) Buy a used car
Don’t buy a new car and don’t buy a flashy car to seem rich. You want to invest in your appearance for your career? Invest in your clothing. Dress at least one pay grade above where you are now. A sleek wardrobe that fits is a smarter investment than an automobile that spends 95% of its life parked.
Keep your car payment as low as possible (or non-existent). $400-$500 a month will go further invested in stocks you believe in, in industries that you understand, than getting flushed down a motor finance drain. Buy a perfect black suit and a versatile cocktail dress that will pay for themselves, not a luxury car in which to sit alone in traffic. It’s for the birds – who cares about your car? (So millennial, I know.)
2) Keep your rent low
You’re young, you’re renting. Renting is okay. Renting is smarter than owning in many ways. A home is a liability, not an asset. Don’t feel pressured to own. Rent til you know. Enjoy your freedom. You can pick up and move to a new city anytime. You don’t need to mow a lawn or pay property taxes or acquiesce to an HOA.
(Bonus tip: buy a Tile so you can save time and money finding your lost keys or anything else you frequently lose. It’s a GPS tracker connected to an app. I’ve sworn by Tile for years. They make great office gifts, too. It’s $24.99 for 1 or $62.93 for 4 on Amazon.)
While renting, bargain with your landlord.
2a) How to lower your rent
A) Offer to post reviews in exchange for reduced rent or at least two years of controlled rent.
B) Offer to pay three or six months rent in advance for a discounted rate or 1-2 months free.
C) If you’re in marketing, offer to do some social media promotion for your residence in exchange for reduced rent. Don’t use your personal brand for this – spell out a contract defining the promotion.
2b) Another renting tip: document
Whenever an issue arises, politely document the hell out of it via email, and make sure they know that you have kept track. Don’t be a nuisance or threaten anyone, and be lavish in your praise for what these apartment managers do right. But whenever you do email about a recurring issue, simply point out that you have documentation of the same thing having happened before, listing the dates and/or attaching the details as a PDF or email attachments. Maybe you have no issues with your landlord, property manager, or neighbors – consider yourself lucky. Keep renting until buying truly makes sense for you, your career, and your goals.
3) The Budget Keeper
This one is a little controversial 🙂
Don’t do this on a first date.
Do be discreet.
When you go out, pack a hip flask. Some people will judge you and think you’re cheap. You’re not, and who cares what they think? You’re young, trying to save money, and you just cut your bar tab in half. Bars mark up liquor an average of 300-400%. Restaurant owners are the only employers who don’t pay their staff living wages and expect customers to foot the bill. There’s nothing wrong with bringing a little sauce to top off your drink, considering how expensive going out can be. Especially if you have a high tolerance.
Think of this as a backup plan / accessory. This tip allows you to control your spending without ending the night early. You’re busy being fabulous, maybe networking a bit, you go-getter! You may even make some new friends or impress old men who retired from the railroad.
Do buy something.
Don’t stiff the bartender.
Don’t get drunk.
Credit for the Budget Keeper goes to RickM. It’s not only a money-saver; it’s a throwback to a better time.
Let me know if you find these tips helpful. I’ll post more soon, hopefully in video format.